Where Do I Find Fulfillment and Joy?

Life is a curious thing. This path we walk on, this adventure we play out.  There really seems no way to wrap my brain around it when I try to think about it logically. For instance, when we have everything we thought we wanted, sometimes that is when we feel least satisfied. And when there is sooo much we don't have, but we are looking to God for fulfillment and trusting that He will give us what we need when we need it, then we are so happy and joyful and fulfilled... even if there are some things we think we really, really want, but don't have. Logically, having what I want = happiness and perfect life; not having what I want = discontent and miserableness. But that just is not how it works. Not in my life anyway. And not in the lives I've observed in my (relatively) few years.

I'm finding more and more that when I stray from God, when I start living for me and not Him, I lose my peaceful, contented feeling deep down. I start feeling like I'm not able to reach out to others. I get weary sooner. There really is only one solution to fulfillment in life. Not money, houses, horses, acceptance from others, making cool movies or books or being creative, husbands or anything else... except Jesus. God and God alone.

Something I know deep down is true, but is so hard to carry out, is that I can only find fulfillment in God. Not in my husband. He is amazing, and I love him more than any other human being in some way I can't fathom. He takes care of me and I of him. He is my companion and best friend. He is so special and more than I could ever ask for. But if I look to him to fulfill everything I need... well, it's just going to make him feel inadequate - when he isn't inadequate at all! Because ONLY God can do that. Can ALWAYS be there. Can give me a deep sense of peace and belonging. To ask that of my husband, is asking the impossible. 

I can't wait for the sunshine to return. For the balmy air and birds. For the days when I can sit or stroll outside and just BE in God's creation and feel Him and talk to Him. And... for the fun strolls with my husband in nature as we grow closer to Him together, standing in awe of what He has created.

"Lord, please help me to have the right outlook on life. To have a right heart. To be a vessel for You, rather than try to make Your plan fit into my imagination of what You want me to do and be."

 

~~~~

Enough deepness for now.

A couple weeks ago I was having fun with self portraits in soft light. Here's a few of the outcomes (I would have done them of my husband, except he was working. So I took them of myself FOR him. )

 

 

I love the soft light coming from the windows. 

 

 

 

wistful

 

faraway look

 

 

 

 

 

I love the blues and whites... and that the seastar came from Ethan and my honeymoon

 

 

~~~

 

These were another day, playing with different expressions. Seriously, I need kids or animals to play around with photo shoots with.  They'd be cuter anyway.

me

 

wondering

 

thought

 

shy

 

 

The Lord is so good to me. I love the life and husband he has given me. I'm not sure, maybe I'm the only one, but I have a feeling I'm not alone in this... getting married is the most wonderful thing in the world, but it also uproots your entire life and thought system - in a good way. There's just something about starting your own "family" that makes you grow up and change. And there's also something about husband-wife love that makes you understand Christ and His love for you in a way you never did before. Or... at least for me it has.

 

~ Ashley L

 

Winter Beauty

I posted this yesterday on my His Artist profile. I decided to post it here as well, since I am switching over .

 

Where I come from, my family had the most snow of anyone in the near vicinity. Where I live now with my husband, we have the least snow of anyone in the vicinity. I went from sledding off the roof to wondering what happened to winter. I had forgotten what it was like not to have my daily list often include shoveling once, if not three or six times. (Okay, so that was an extreme - a heavily snowy thanksgiving where we got feet upon feet of snow that day and didn't see the end of the massive snowbanks until June, I'm dead serious.) Honestly, I looked at it all as an adventure and often wandered out to take pictures - wading through thigh deep snow and stooping down to look into the first story windows. 

Here's a couple pictures, in case you want proof :

 

Yes, that's my family's house... somewhere under there

 

Catching a view from the roof. The dog just climbed the snowbank and joined them

 

 

Dog. Boy. Roof.

Today, my husband and I shoveled our driveway for the first time, and it's February! Since we only have one shovel, and he's a manly man, even though I'm not a girly girl, I 'let' him shovel and I gave him moral support and took pictures of our little winter wonderland. It wasn't nearly as wintery as I am used to, but it was beautiful nonetheless.

Here are some of the results:

 

Landscape

Hangin' on and waiting for spring, just like me

Frail but hearty beauty

When I'm cooped up inside, I often find my sense of God's awesomeness fading. But as soon as I step outside, take a fresh breath of air, real air... it all comes whooshing back and I just close my eyes and be. Thank you Lord, for all the reminders of you and your care. Thank you for putting us in a beautiful world that is only a hint of what is to come.

"The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handiwork." Psalm 19:1

~ Ashley L.