I don't usually pay much attention to St. Patrick's Day... I'm not sure why. But it reminded me today of green... and green reminded me of Spring and new life... and since it was the warmest day yet this year, I ventured outside to capture some SPRING. As you can tell from the pictures below, I had fun inside too

 

 

Our starter plants are growing bigger!

 

Greenness

 

Cactus and glass on our windowsill

 

 

 

Onion planted last year... still growing even after all that cold and snow. It reminds me of how I shouldn't let the hard times get me down. They are meant to draw me to Christ. And what I ought to do, is look to Jesus, cling to Him, make Him my all, and Spring will come.

 

I've been thinking a lot lately about life. About what I should be doing with my life. Even as the words "my life" come out of my mouth, I realize that it shows I don't really understand much about life and my Lord. It is His life, and I ought to be living it for Him. It seems so easy to say, it rolls off my tongue so easily. "My life is His." But doing it. Now that is a hard one. And at first it seems so complex, how could anyone ever figure out how to live for Jesus?

I could go be a missionary, and dedicate all my time to telling people about Jesus, and still be living life for me. I can't just decide what I am going to do, and say "Lord, aren't you proud of me?" Just because I am in the mission field doesn't mean I am serving God. It sounds strange to say that, but I know it's true. 

I could have a job scrubbing floors and taking out the garbage, and be living life for Him. Or I could have a cushy job in a nice place and still be living for Him. But what in the world determines whether it is for Him or for me? What determines whether, when I see Jesus, He will say "Well done..." or "I never knew you."

 

 

As I have walked through life, it seems like the Lord keeps pointing me back to this one thing. To my heart. To who it is listening to. To who it is trying to please. To whose acceptance it is trying to obtain.

The pharisees seemed like they had it all together. And they denied themselves so many things thinking they were elevating themselves above the others and earning a way to Heaven. They followed lots of outward rules. But they fell far short. They were missing something. They were missing God at the center of their lives. And many times, God has woken me up to the fact that I am living with an attitude like they had... over and over again He's had to show me that I am slipping back into looking for other people's acceptance, to making sure I'm doing the right things and I look good. And it grieves my heart when I suddenly realize I'm acting like I care more what other people think (even other Christians, wanting them to accept me and think I am Godly) than what God does! Is it because I feel like He'll always love me, no matter what? And I have to earn other people's love?

Frankly, painfully, it shouldn't matter to me. The only way I will get closer to God, is by looking for His approval, by listening to Him. And I will only be able to hear Him if I don't put qualifiers on serving my Lord, "God, I want to serve You... but don't make me do it by____" fill in the blank. "Oh! And actually, wouldn't training horses, or making movies be a good way to serve You? Yeah! That's perfect!" And go off, never having let Him get a word in edgewise. Us humans so often think we know, that we have the answers. But in reality, our wisdom is foolishness, and our answers are guesses.

That doesn't mean because I want to do something it means it's not His will for me, not at all! But I have to be willing to yield "my" wishes, "my" talents to Him. He's the only one who sees the big picture and who knows what He created me for.

 

Honestly, I'm not doing this very well right now, but slowly, He is teaching me to let go of this life, this temporary body and world, of myself and my ideals, and hang on to Jesus for all I am worth. And when I do that, and keep my eyes on Him and my heart open to Him, that is when things become more clear. When I feel at rest, at peace, knowing that I am His, and He is mine. That is when all the clanging of my own mind clears away, and I can hear Him from the heart and know what is His will. Then I can be content, no matter what I am doing, like Paul said, "I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." (Philipians 4:11) Because I know God is pleased and I am near to Him.

It's all in the heart. And in letting go of me so I can hold on to Him with both hands.

Then I can grow, and know Him, and have new real life.

 

 

 

~ Ashley L.